The Public Restroom
at El Gomboleya Market
⚠ DEAR CITIZENRY AND DELIGHTED FOREIGN VISITOR TOURIST ⚠
Due to outbreaking of disease, the status of Complete Seclusion have been command by the Ministry of Illness and Spasms. Please, in this sensative times, we are beg with great humility and submission (as does worm submit to will of falcunt bird) please release dirt from your rear in public areas with out Make speech into fellow patrons, and usage of muzzle is recommend by all practioners of Physic in our land. In order for ensure that the defecatory zone of El Gomboleya remain, as before, center of social blossomings and bloomings and motor of creative business interaction and locus of intercourse between the minds of our most greatly Business Mans (and Business Eunuchs). We are offer teledefecation services at link below [entry prohibit for childs, mentally Difficulties Persons (former Retarded Peoples) and modest Sisters]:
COMMAND ENFORCED BY VIOLENT PROSECUTION OF LAWS:
The gathering of more than 3 mans and 2 womans, or 3 womans and 1 mans and 2 childs, or 5 womans with no childs and 1 eunuch/neutralized Gender individual (foreign or Egypt national all same) is forbid and will become subject to brutal enforcement. The order is the sweetly nectar from which all childs of this fertile soil is drink, as drinking the she-bee from a flower and make from it sweety honey, so does the orderly citizenry drink from the flower of our Constitutional and Statutes, the Customary and Penile Codes, the Code of Capital Violations, the Honorable Decrees and Firmans of his Enlarged Excellency Mister the President el-Sissy, the Nile Usage and Irrigation Policies Documentation and Codification Cataloguization Manifestation and produce from it the honey of sweetly society where can live all dears in peace and make usage all Grand Infrastructural Projects, such as paved Roadway, Railway Car, Electronic Generation Motor Coil, etc. and so on etc. Why the one who disobey should not pay ultimate price (200 Guinea or Execution) for the rapation that his selfish act cause upon all us. Spit and worse upon all the enemies of this proud Rectangular Nation and Civilization.
FAQ (Very Many asked Such things):
- 1. Am was tried used teledefactory service, but there is no odor. Can be amend?
- We are try incite odor.
- 2. What is your mother's name?
- You are a dog born to 100 dogs for ask this. Shame and sodomies to you, oh piglet!
- 3. Where is location of BROTHERS OF PNEUMATIC - Tire and Brake Service? They was here before?
- Yes, the refuse heap area where now is administrative office of defecatory services hub was once this pneumatic tire vendor. His new address:
ADDRESSAGE NOT AVAILABLE IN THIS MOMENT DUE TO NARROWING OF BANDWIDTH, PLEASE COME IN BACK TO RECHECK SOON. - 4. Hello, what is Computer Speculification what is necessity and require for use this service? Regard, Proud Son of Egypt (world mom)
- We are not familiar all computer knowledges and reject answer this question. You are coward for embarass us with this in public spaces and your IP address have been mutilated by master hackers...
I. Concerning the Facility
From 7000 year of past was settled mans in the area which today we are know as El Gomboleya, and establish in it custom of mercantilisitic activity which have survive many eon until our present time. However, it was not until the beauteous reign of the Masterful Field Marshall of Hosts - his Excellency and Muneficiency, El Sissy the Grand - that was could boast with pride and ecstacy the peoples of this historic land that a facility exist within El Gomboleya which fulfill the wish of his visitor to make relief the pressure of his bowel.
In this era brings truly fruit the milennia of harvest which have inherited our proud nation, with this uro-faecal jetissoning facility which have been rank among best in Middle Eastern North African region, and may one day becomed knowed as one of finest in entire Earthen sphere.
Four hundred of mens is releive their digestive tube here each day. It requires no advertisement. It require no sign. Those who are know, know.. who not - his aunt laugh at his inheritances.
A Short History
The facility was started his construct in the autumn of 1974 by the Market Sanitary and Defecatory Committee, replacing an earlier structure of corrugated tin which was use for impromptu and unlicensed defacatory actions since the mandate periods. After begin the glorious and flowersome period of total control by Tut Ankh Amun of our Time, Lion of Egypt, El-Sissy the Grand, the project terminated and finally El Gomboleya become again envy and jalouse for the world entire.
The present building is haver of six defacatory chamber, a washery colonnade of four basins with water, and an attendant's shack with tipping jar, and these dimensions have never been altered. The floor is the original terrazzo. It have be polished by the hand which on hands and knees have work in polish it, every Thursday evening for since his opening by Mr. Grand Sissy when he shitted a very respect and large scatologue into the basin of washing and honore it 1 milliard honors.
Guiding Principle
“The man in market is like horse, when he is need excrete defecatory solids, he cannot think even 1 moment.”
— exalted speech Mr. President El-Sissy General Grand Pharaon of Egypt at opening ceremony and riband cutting (with knife)
II. Amenities of the House
| Amenity | Particulars |
|---|---|
| Six Defecatory Hole | All open air design with no wall/no door ... Hole No. 3 is understood to be the coolest in summer because breeze of window. Not need to flush. |
| Wash Colonnade | washing possible from six in the morning when water is run, this water potable and have been rate safe and 70% free of human refuse. |
| Two Electric Hand Driers NEW! | Complete pride of Egypt. this Machine can blow into the hand and cause his dryness! Please deposit 2 EGP into receptacle and within some 30 minute air can begin to flow. |
| The Attendant's Alcove | A most respectful man inside, attend to you and your excretion in Arabic language service. |
| Ablution Bench | Close for renovation following terror attack by extremity group |
| Ventilation | Air is flow well with high vault rooof dome and a ceiling fan of four blades with rotationof electric motor. A window is exist and opened during some hours |
| Lighting | Paraffin lamp is use but natural lightings can enter for easing use. |
| Seating for Waiting | When too much peoples is us, then others sit in this bench of woods (DO NOT SHIT IN WAITING BENCH) |
| Register of Lost Articles | You are lose? Maybe acan find |
III. Attendant Services & Tariff
Price List for Foreign Exotic Visitor and Local Same and Equal by LAW of EGYPT. Guarantee.
NEW! New Service:
EVAPORATIVE COOLING WITH POST SCROTAL MIST
This innovative technique now is offer exclusive as part of Grand Pharaon Sissy “ECOLOGICAL CLIMATOLOGICAL PROGRAMME YEAR 2030” and have receive 100 reward and respect as he does not make usage Carbon Coals (which have cause earth to becomes not good) in the action of cleaning the area of jetissoning faeum matter.
“we are not use coals for clean the holes of our anus, if some countries are spilling coals into earth and this cause earth to heat like one grille, and this cause Nile to dried, we will make military penetration into that country. Let this be warning!”
— Mister Sissy in conference “Carboniferous Coals: Causers of Warmed Earthen Globe”
With attendant now equip with sanitary hose with narrow aperture, the honored guest who ask receive this Patriotic and Ecologic service for mere 200 Gns. price, will be approach with total respect by attendant from rear. The process which follow is one grand miracles of hydrologic engineering and in interest of national security only some detail in broad we can make available: Without rising from scarab position used during fecal jetisson, our guest will becomed received a water jet which make total irrigation of impurities in the cavern of his rear (unimpedimented flow), then is stroke the scrotum like Asswan Dam (turbolated flow) and and move post-scrotally in format of aerosol or nebulze water, and moisten the galabiya and guarantee in the hot of summer your body cooled and moisted.
| Service | Description | Tariff |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Watching With Support | The attendant present for the whole duration and gies ouragement as the situation require No rush. | 2 EGP |
| 2. Signature Service | After completion, wipe and application of water. Performed by attendant to the standard of the egypt LAW. | 5 EGP |
| 3. Clearing of Bowel Obstruction / Massage / Shoe Polishing (Italian) | The polish is Italian. | 15 EGP |
☞ Gratuities. The attendant tip jar is on the counter and it is not there in accident.
IV. The Attendant's Creed
As attendant we are make oath to provide service in all uses for low prices in all days,, and we are gives our user the most maximal of respect what is possible and never spit him, curse him or think badly him.
V. Tip of Day
Tip of Day: Hard strain can cause hemorrhoid, if cannot pass stool (he have form of rock), please call to attendant for assist in all manner.
VI. Who Is Welcome
Whensoever a man need pass water, gases or solid from any orifice... he is welcome for enjoy. But, we warn any scatophage who wish to ply this trade in secrecy in our facility, that he not welcome and he will be subjected to brutal torment if captured in scatophagiological act, or if we are see him covererd around his lips the sign of having indulged, or if we find a fellow inside cesspit with mouth open and gorging upon it as gorges the cow upon pasture. Torment awaits, begone if this your desire.
VII. Guestbook
Entries are transcribed from the paper book kept on the alcove counter.
Am was experience complete emptying of bowel in this fine locale.
My large greeting to all attendant and thank for their service.
This Site Is Proud To Display
VISITORS SINCE 14 MARCH 2021
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